Separation Anxiety
I thought I’d give everyone a chance to step away from the hounding daily menace that is your inner urge to visit this site. The news hasn’t changed much since the last post…..Americans are still confused about how the economy continues to slide with Obama at the reigns, Bush’s cabinet is still worry-free about being prosecuted for any of the atrocities they’ve committed, and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert relentlessly lash out at the media for abdicating their journalistic duty……by doing the work for them.
The real (lame) reason the Acheron hasn’t been overflowing with content is because I’ve moved HQ from Bangor to Bethlehem, PA and am just now settling in after three weeks of upheaval. Don’t shit the bed just yet, because I have a treat in store for the angry mob mentality that is our understanding of institutional corruption. Anyone searching for a job in today’s market is met with the same kind of disappointment that befalls the president of the Sudoku club who gathers up the fortitude to ask out the head cheerleader.
They’re met with fierce indignation. They don’t understand how their skill set and experience, or their contacts, or their physical appearance hasn’t landed them a gig. “Why the fuck am I working for the banks?” They might ask. The classifieds are ridiculous: “Landscape help p/t 8.00/hr” and “Make Executive Salary from Home! Don’t believe us? Just call !” No one with a deadline to pay bills or feed their family has ample time to examine the crisis we’re in through the right lens. My trip to a nearby diner for lunch this afternoon was proof.
“Ain’t nobody gonna have nothin pretty soon the rate Obama’s goin,” said an elderly regular.
“Oh just wait, he’s takin over GM and then who knows what,” said an overly vocal waitress.
These are the kinds of conversations that make an informed person want to jump into a woodchipper. The idea that one person can be responsible for breaking or fixing an entire country’s economic system is as ludicrous as the national security merger, but it comforts the simple to think they can blame it on a recognizable face.
That’s why when I was at my job as a short-order cook at a bowling alley last weekend and I overheard a customer telling our front desk girl that she could make $100,000 a year doing what he does, I was enthralled at the serendipity of it. The man was unimpressive; he wore no $4,000 suit, carried no card, and his hair was a style I like to call “Pennsylvania Carnie.”
“You’re not going to ask what I do, are ya?” The man asked.
“I think one day the curiosity might just overwhelm me,” the female employee said.
“Haha, well miss, you might want to reconsider,” he said. “How many hours a week would you give me if I told you you could pull in $100,000?”
“If you can make me that much I’ll give you 80 hours,” I said.
My interruption was more a test to see if this greasy bowling-type was trying to lure a 19-year-old girl with rebellion written on her into the porn industry, or the sex trafficking circle. I wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and never expected to hear from the guy again.
“Do you work for Amway?” she asked.
“Ah heck no, Amway runs a scam. I worked for them for a year and didn’t make a thing,” the man said. Then he gave a reassuring smile, told me he’d catch up and signaled his bizarre family to leave with him.
Since the weekend, he’s called me twice trying to get me to drive somewhere with him, because there’s ’something I need to see’ that he can’t possibly explain to me over the phone. Man, he must be working on one of those deep underground military bases where jobs are kept secret. Or, he could be a representative from one of those cult-like pyramid scheme companies. They can never tell you what they do for a living, but they are awful comfortable having a complete stranger take a 45 minute road trip with them to attend a presentation that they cannot discuss much beforehand.
Therefore, in an attempt to pump some life into my decaying investigative journalist corpse, I will be returning his call tomorrow in order to attend one of these clandestine conferences. However, I’ll be bringing my digital voice recorder along for the ride. Stay tuned, kiddies!
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